she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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