I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
