maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize