it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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