yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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