I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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