i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
