Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
