I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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