I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
