proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Two words: nipple clamps
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