I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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