my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Naked. naked and bneed help.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
