I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
