Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
