Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
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