Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
