I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
