Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
