I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize