mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
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