textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
