no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
