he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
