fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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