he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
