and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
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