um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize