I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
