He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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