True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
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