Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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