Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
