Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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