Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
