can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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