sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
