chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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