hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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