So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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