I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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