Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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