Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
