Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
