for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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