So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
