I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
