Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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