my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
