I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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