The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
