Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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