Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
