Having a random hookup so left but love u
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
