I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
