My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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