not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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