my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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