How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
