I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
