so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
