when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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