She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
