Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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