Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
