But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
