If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
