i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
