Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
