So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
