Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
