Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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