My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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