remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
