oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
