Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The Olympian is in my bed
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
