i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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