why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
