I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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