This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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